It Hurts to Hope
by XxXGloomXxX
Summary: Max loves Fang, but she also knows that he 'could never ever like her back.' yeah right but with a mind reader anything could happen even if it takes forever ya right
1. Chapter 1

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It hurts to hope

I do not own anything that has to do with maximum ride. i wrote it while i was in the car going to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Max P.O.V.

It's not like,Fang even loves me like I love him.

I mean he's Fang, the one that hides behind his emotional mask.

Pssh it's not like I _care at all_.

_It's not like I even exists when she's around._

Fang doesn't even notice me when _doctor wonderful _shows up.

Do you know how much _IT HURTS._

So anyway I walked into the room I'm sharing with the girls and total.

" Hey!Max, Do you think that we could get a third room,

'Cause me and Angel wanna share and the guys don't want Fang in theirs any more . They say it's cause he's been annoying the by not giving them straight answers. Hey Max do you think we could go to a spa I could use a Mani-pedi and get our hair done.

And then go to the mall after that to get clothes and stuff. And mpph

"Thanks Ange. Maybe for the Spa and mall, and for the rooms sure ii guess." I ran out before the pulled out the Bambi eyes and crocodile tears. Then I'd be stuck in hell on earth until 10 tonight. I went and grabbed Fang who was annoying Gazzy by not answering him.

" come on Fang the kids kicked us out of the rooms good job"

I let go of his arm when Fang held my hand " Are you okay Max?"

"I"m fine now let's go I want some sleep before the girls drag me out in the morning." He chuckled , got a better grip on my hand and interlaced our fingers. Argh! Why is he _doing _this to me.

Is he trying to hurt me on purpose. I felt the gaping hole in my chest get bigger. I felt tears prick my eyes blurring my vision. Fang doesn't love me. It would never work. He loves some other girl. Focusing on the gapping hole in me I said "Fang let go of my hand." He looked at me weirdly "Max what's wrong.?" "Nothing." "Nothing is something."

I shook my head. I got the room walked up to the 3rd floor and unlock the door. The minute I walked in , I walked out. Fang grabbed my arm and smiled wickedly " No Max you have to deal with it who knows how long It would for them to send up another bed."There was only one bed a dresser a TV and nothing else. " You on your side me on mine got it" he nodded smirking. I got into the bed back to Fang. I was still awake when Fang was asleep. I started crying I was so stupid to have run away from Fang at the Cave and on the dock. He probably moved on. Sobbing quietly I sat up. Hoping hurt a lot. I guess I wasn't quite enough. Fang sat up too. His words slurred from sleep "Max ….. you ...okayy." he pulled me toward him and I collapse on him sobbing even harder. "Nightmare." I lied. I let out a strangled sob " Was it that bad?" I nodded. It's not like I'll tell him I love him the last time I did that he made fun of me. And if now I told him while I wasn't drugged he'd make more fun of me and reject me. He could never love me. _Max ,Max ,Max. Fang's your soul mate he could love you. Have you not notice the way he looks at you when he thinks you're not looking._

_Like I said before you two are crazzyy about each other._ Shut up voice you're lying you just want me to stop crying and thinking depressing thoughts. Voice didn't answer. " Max you're a million miles away." he said softly gently stroking my hair away from my face. Making me love him even more. Fang wiped away the tears coming down my cheek with his thumbs. He was cradling my face. He leaned in closer our breathing mingled in the middle. Then Fang closed his eyes and leaned as I leaned forward. We kissed slanting our heads this way and that . Then Fang pulled away looking at thinking in was gonna run away again. He looked surprised when I hugged him around the middle. I love you I thought love you so much it hurts. _What is love without pain Max it would be to perfect to fake that you would fall apart the moment reality hit you in the face._

Thats just what I need voice you're so perfect you think you know everything. "Voice?" "ya." I smiled , 'cause everything in my world was happy and finally right.

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ya i know sappy but it's not over yet it gets even more depressing and the better and so on and so on i 'm not done with this yet


	2. Chapter 2

I have to apologize. To everyone . To those of you who read my writing and wasted your time on them.

Quite frankly, I'm sorry because, I'm not going to finish them, because the quality of that work, isn't me anymore, because I grew up.

I'm not going to finish these stories. I don't want anyone to have them either. That may be disappointing to you guys, but in the end, it's my choice. The reason why, I haven't written for them, in years or months, is because I couldn't. I lost interest. I was depressed. I gained friends and I lost friends. I watched everything around me fall apart. I almost died, twice. I moved. I lost both of my closest friends because they were told that their love was wrong, and I wasn't there as always to pick up the pieces. I lost myself. I found myself and got lost again. I lived in different worlds. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. I figured out my sexuality. I was outed to the school. I came out to my mother, to my friends. I was bullied, picked on and abused. I hated myself. I found music. I found friends, and began to trust my family again. I started to move forward instead of back. I'm making goals, I want to go places, do things, be happy. It's a slow, uphill, demanding process, but I'm getting there.

I'm not giving away these stories, because, there is too much of me in them. Because they document my struggles, even if you couldn't see them in the writing, they are there. I'm sorry that you guys are going to be disappointed, but I'm not sorry that I'm giving them up.

I want all of you to know, that there is nothing to be afraid of. That you have to want, in order to live. There is no sense in being like everyone else, because then, you're a part of "everyone" and not you. Pick what you want to be a part of and don't follow blindly. There are people who love you. And even if you haven't found them yet, there will be people who accept you for you. Who won't give a damn and who will be there for you, through everything, as long as you're there for them too. But you have to persevere , because that's the only way you'll come out, stronger, happier, open-minded and understanding. That's the only way, that you'll get to experience life as it is. Life passes too quickly for you to give up. And if you can't find anyone, I'm here.

AJA 12/30/12


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